Reborn!

Reborn!
Sunday, July 15th 2012
Tonight, I had another heart journey of my life. This is the first time I have ever felt like this before; and this is a learning I will never forget nor regret in my life. This day, I am reborn...
The story begins as I gets closer to the kids of a family I know from a tour that we went together to Israel. They're both older than me, a boy & a girl. I will not tell their name to protect their personal life.
I used to be someone who feels caged as a teenage girl, who can't control myself if a guy ask me to go out together & I frequently use too much of internet connection without highly self controled. I used to be a girl who always think that other people's life is better than mine with all of that trust, uncaged, happy life; but I guess my paradigm is highly rated as wrong tonight even though I have tried so hard to ensure myself that I will use my days wisely for communities & stuff if I got the trust they had. Now I have seen that I am not yet that good & God have a purpose on putting me in the family I am in now. To proof that fact, I have learn so much of what I think was right before but wrong now instead.
They, those kids I now know not just by their name are actually really nice people. They come from a good wealthy family & I grew instantly fond of them. Not for their wealth, but for who they became when they're around me. But they tell me the story I have never thought of listening from in my life.
Being wealthy doesn't mean constant happiness; I learn that directly from the day I start to get close to them. Inside, they have grown to be a very lonely person as their parents major their work to pursue for money. They seem okay outside, but their inside is crying for love of someone; the thing I have been wasting all my times for. I feel this "super protection zone" from my parents cage me from having what I want. But that's the whole point I am wrong at. I should've been more trustworthy & wise to understand that all these times, my mistake has been that option I take to give a boyfriend a chance to root & grow in me. But now, I'm gonna have to do something about it.
The next thing I learn is that your parents' attention to you is the most crucial thing. Certainly, there's this desperation voice & unsend tenderness that should've gone away with their's parents' attention & love. I really thank God that I'm in an only child situation & all my parents' attention is in me; delivering all their good to me as I grow to become a mature woman each & everyday. They may have got all those gadgets, shoes, things they want whatsoever but they didn't actually get this particular thing I get that is simply better than any of those things I have ever dreamt of having, that is, my parents' sufficient love & attention all to myself.
Also about my father, I am glad that in my teenage life my father appears to be the man of my life, being my role model to me. He did not pursue too much of his work now that he has retire a few years ago even though he still works for his own business. He still mantain a good love story with my mother even if he wasn't that romantic nor a fanatic christian either. But I am happy to have a better on-going relationship with my father as time passes swiftly. But time has left me enough space to grow on as a young lady with a role both from my father & my mother. I frequently learn from my mother, too, since she is really close to me. I willingly take advices & orders from her of the bond we grow with each other since my young age. Yes, I may not have told them about the insecurities I have felt when I'm around some boys, but I do feel safe to tell them anything about myself because I know that none of us is flawless. Things are so different with my friend, because their mother is rarely there for them as much as their father. Maybe their mom is there, physically. But not her heart with them.
Next, I learn to be greatful of the friendship I have with my bestfriend that I trust with all my heart. Even though I sometimes feel unsure of her, I still tend to manage to be in bond with her. Thus, these new friends of mine didn't have any people that they call as real bestfriends because they just don't feel safe with their friends. Maybe they feel safe, but not their secrets. I am really glad I have her, I really am.
There certainly are still a lot of things we manage to build together as friends because of the same need of regular friendship that we found hard to mend in our school community but really easy to grow within. There are stories the three of us can always share in the midst of the night when the rain falls deep into the darkness.
So, I have always made a contact with God all about these things He had my heart learn about in the last few hours; all oh happening so rapidly. If He gave me all this experiences to have, I believe that there's something more for me to learn; a hidden treasure deep inside the end of the friendship I need to learn for my future psychology. I simply thank Him in every possible way, even though this is so not what I have been asking from Him. But really, if He give me these guys first for me to reach, then what else could I possibly ask better for? This is all regarding my life learning skills on the field, I believe.
And you know what? I'm not gonna have any regret for any choices I've made in my my life because at one point I know that those choices are the things I have decided to have in it & that's the best experiences I could have ever get. Yeah, I have just give everything a shot to try to grow on my splendid life. Daym man, life's really good. -red •glow13productions•