Mr. X

‘What do you think I should write about Cin?’ I asked, pretty much clueless about what I should bring for the night.

 ‘Write about him!’ She replied lightly.

I guess it was no more secret that I directly knew who she was referring to as “him” in her sentence. Because she knew whom I lately have feelings for, it was, for no more doubt was him.

But let me be really honest with you guys about this guy I’m going to tell you about: he wasn’t so much that what people will find attractive. He's a really skinny guy who can eat a lot of whatever he wants to eat without worrying having to gain any weight, almost always found wearing that one authentic shirt he likes best whenever we don't have to use uniforms, really psycho looking with a genius mind. I personally think that he looks like Benedict Cumberbatch at one point (no kidding. Especially with those kind of psycho expression he owns).

We get too used to sitting next to each other that I didn’t realize that I will soon miss him so much once we’re separated. It’s been weeks since we first sat next to each other. It was almost 6 weeks altogether without counting the weekends and the days that should’ve been there #GalauModeOn. I stare at him quietly for quite sometime after Cindy finishes answering my question. I realized that what she said was true that I have to cherish the time I have left to sit next to him. And since I had feelings for this guy, things seems to slightly move to a better side on how I had my words spoken.

We call him, just between me and Cindy, is the bad word “faggs”. Yep, we do call him that. We do not call him that for no reason though. The word itself represents his language of speaking: real bad ass (as if there is no boundaries to call people those kinds of bad things. People can say whatever they want, really. But I would remind him to shut up a few times – because bad words ain’t good for anybody’s health). Even though it hardens me to see the difference between the angry Fagg with the usual one, I get to learn that there is one difference in the way he stresses the words when he is upset. I guess anyone could’ve done better than me if they pay good attention. But last week I caught him crying a little bit – a rare sign showing frustration and desperation from a hard cored guy like him.

This Mr. X is such a sweet devil guy. He can be really helpful for some but very scornful and stabbing for others. A great awe amazes people for his ability to raise the standards of his studies and enormous ability of capping people – only, it is used always at the wrong time. He is too mysterious for any man to learn about. Who knows if he’s a vampire, really.

I remembered the way I feel the first time we get to sit next to each other for the first 2 weeks. I was a bit over reacting because I was extremely pleased with the sitting arrangement. I thought, for the very first time, I was so lucky to be sitting next to him. The first weeks turns out to be a bit awkward tho since I don’t know what topic should I talk to him about. As time goes by, I get inch by inch closer to him. I’ve found my way to spend some time exchanging thoughts about things that people will find a bit usual and can happen to any people in the school. Things changed so fast and without me realizing it will be the end of sophomore year already. Where did all these times go?

It’s a bit weird for me as for something like this never happened to me before. Someone I liked usually comes in easy from all the good stuffs they did and later on our dates I would realize that they are not as good as what they seem. But this guy, I gotta say it again there’s nothing so charming of his looks and attitude for all those bad words and skinny thighs. I mean like, what the hell just happened.

If I could date any person in this world tho, I would date someone unlike Faggs. No, I still like him for what he is this very second of his life but I wouldn’t want my kids to be beaten up badly by their own dad or being bullied simply because he was upset with them. I believe that lot of progression have occur on him since the day he first entered our school – I have no doubt that he can be so much better than what he is right now. But to prevent bad things from happen to my future kids and to protect the sake of our friendship, I guess I’ll just have to be very happy with sitting next to him for another week and being a best friend to someone who’s never felt so home and accepted by anyone but their parents. There is just so much potential in him that he should expand instead of left dying in a vase without any soil. -red

“Momma said you’re a pretty girl, what's in your head, it doesn't matter. Brush your hair, fix your teeth, what you wear it's all that matters. Pretty girl, shine the light on whatevers worst. Perfection is the disease of a nation” –Beyonce

12 Facts About Cindy The Awesome

Gue rasa gue belom pernah bikin note tentang dia; tentang temen gue yang paling setia ngestalkin blog gue setiap malem terus pake acara ngaku, yang paling sering gue katain idiot tanpa bermaksud ngedoain dia jadi idiot beneran, yang beberapa kali gue ngomong jujur rambutnya bau, yang udah jomblo lebih lama daripada gue... (#promosi) , temen yang paling sering gue pelok dalam sejarah gue punya temen deket, yang paling jago malakin gue makanan, dan yang pernah secara bejat gue mintain 12 facts tentang dia tapi belom sempet gue upload sampe hari ini. Berhubung gue lagi insaf, gue mau nulis tentang dia deh (eh. Bukan gue beneran insaf. Cin. Jangan unfriend me. Please. Tidaks. Aaah).

Namanya Cindy the sipits. Bukan, dia bukan tergabung dalam tim “the sipits” ato apa; tapi Cindy emang beneran sipit. Kita pertama kali sekelompok pas MOS kelas 7 dulu, jaman kita masih unyu ingusan belom ngerti urusan bejat apapun. Gue sebelomnya ngga pernah kebayang bakal bisa temenan deket sama dia – apalagi harus membajak (cailah bahasanya. Mau ngebajak apanya Glor? Hatinya? #OHOKOHOK) dia dari teman sepermainannya yang terdahulu itu. Ngga berani deh. Tapi ternyata, takdir berkata lain (#EAK). Si Keran Aer who happened to be my best friend dari kelas 7 membawa pembelotan Cindy ke komplotan kita, jaman abis temen kita yang lain berganti haluan juga. Jadi selama Keran sama Cindy di 10B, gue sama Meilissa di 10A sampai terjadilah pembicaraan intens gue sama Cindy mengenai pantat ketek betis kamehameha cintaku terbelah dua (lu kira dada kali kebelah 2). Sejak hari itu, gue ngerasa ngga afdol kalo belom dapet pencerahan dari teori absurdnya si Cindy (ihiy. Ternyata).

Walaupun ngga pernah secara langsung, I’ve honestly told you stories of Cindy herself in a fiction story I made. Sisanya masih ada banyak ada di buku journal gue yang terdahulu dan yang akan datang #ea.

Cindy itu epic. Ngakunya ya emang udah epic dari lahir, kaya matanya gitu. Mungkin kalo bayi lain kaya gue nangisnya ‘OEK’ standar; Cindy malah ‘OEK’ pakek nada dugem. Entah, emaknya belom pernah ngomong ke gue sih. Cindy itu paling sering malu-maluin gue kalo udah soal otak Cinanya yang nyerempet-nyerempet makanan murah dan/atau makanan gratisan muncul. Kalo udah nyinggung itu pasti otaknya langsung muter – ga kaya kalo dia udah ketemu matematika ato apa gitu yang labil-labil menggalaukan #UjanDeres . Gambar hasil karya dia adalah gambar yang paling ajaib yang pernah gue liat; karena sekeras apapun Cindy berusaha untuk gambar cowok macho, pasti gambar itu ujung-ujungnya bakal bulet-bulet unyu pengen gue makan. Ngga kok, gue ngga kasian sama Cindy. Gue lebih kasian sama gambarnya. Siapa tau aja kan, gambarnya dibully sama gambar-gambar lainnya gara-gara terlalu culun #mukapager .

Walaupun baru sekelas ¾ taun, gue berasa kaya gue udah kenal Cindy selama-lamanya sampai Tuhan Yesus datang untuk yang ke-2 kali (halah lebay). Tapi emang iya sih, kita emang udah kenal dari 6 taun yang lalu – masalahnya kita ngga pernah memiliki kesadaran untuk saling kenal lebih deket aja. Gue inget banget waktu kelas 10 semester 2 pas jaman kelas math kita mulai digabung buat math IPS gue mulai sekelas sama Cindy. Gue masih inget perasaan gue tiap kali math: gue semangat. Gue seneng banget karena bentar lagi, kurang dari setengah taun lagi (waktu itu), gue bakal punya kesempatan kaya Keran buat sekelas sama Cindy dan nyobain ketepa absurd sama dia itu gimana. Dan tau apa? Feeling gue bener. Today gue beneran ketepa absurd. Kayanya gue bentar lagi gila.

Gue akhirnya ngerasa punya temen yang bakal senasib nyasar di UPH walopun beda jurusan. Gue akhirnya nemu cewek yang rasionalis dan ga lemot-lemot amat kaya gue. Gue akhirnya bisa punya temen deket yang bisa seenaknya gue pelok (karna gue gabisa melok keran ato mei sesering gue melok Cindy). Gue akhirnya punya temen yang ngomong ngga pake feeling - yang apa aja bisa keluar. Gue akhirnya BIKIN NOTE PAKEK BAHASA INDONESIA JUGA YAOWOH SETELAH SEKIAN LAMA TERBELENGGU DALAM NOTE BAHASA INGGRIS SIALAN ITU. HAH.

Oke. Em. Maaf. Lanjut.

Gue rasa the most reasonable explanation behind the reason of why I made this note for her is because I want her to know that I really appriciate our friendship. Gue ngga mau sampe gue telat bilang ke dia (ato ekspresiin ke dia) how grateful I am for her, for us. All these crayshit friendship we’ve been through ain’t like the ones I experienced in the past – even though I know that every friendship I’ve had is special in its own ways. But honestly, I never imagined some girl like her would’ve been there for me at my worst (ketika gue ngatain dia sembarangan) and at my best (ketika gue suka sama si bebeb jenggot itu salah satunya). She’s always been a great support – especially kalo nyolong makanan (BWAHAHAHHA AMPUN MAMAK).

And Cin, you should know that behind every cursing word I’ve thrown to you I never mean any of that. You should understand that instead those words, all I was trying to say was thankyou for the inspirations all these times. I hope its not too late because ramadhan taun lalu udah lewat. Jangan terharu dulu. Cerita kita belom selesai. I love you (as a friend) *HIPPO HUGS* -red

PS. Hippo hugs itu adalah hugs yang lebih besar daripada hugs yang standar. Itu ukuran size ekstra XL.

12 Facts About Cindy the Awesome (ini dia bikin sendiri):

1.      Gw paling demen mata gw. Soalnya tingkat kesipitannya is unbeatable! Udah ada 3 guru nyangka gw tidur padahal gue melek. LONG LIVE SIPIT!

2.      Temen gue yang spesiesnya rada abstrak so called as mbingg itu suka ngebully gue.

3.      Gue tinggal bareng 3 ekor kucing. Well to be exact, ada 2 ekor cewe + 1 cowo. Mereka kalo pup bau banget gila. Tapi buntut mereka eksotis.

4.      Gw suka gambar tapi gw gabakat gambar tangan. Pasti jadinya kayak pisang. Gw jadi sedih...

5.      Kata Glori jempol gue eksotis. Yah maybe garagara gue pake bb. Kalo gw mati, jempolnya boleh buat elu deh.

6.      “AH GUE LAPER. ADA MAKANAN GA?” yes, I say this phrase several times a day. Gatau, dorongan dalam diri gw buat makan sangat besar.

7.      Flat shoes are a part of my life. Tapi, ada sekelompok manusia-manusia jahanam yang menindas flats gue (iye mbingg salah satunya). Example: ditendang + dilempar + disembunyiin + etc+ etc

8.      MY FACE IS THE UNTOUCHABLE PART OF MY BODY. Gw aja megng muka Cuma pas cuci muka + pake erha. Gatau muka gw kalo kena sentuhan jari-jari yang gajelas darimana jadi jerawatan. Miris.

9.      Gw paling gasuka denger not fales + grammar sampah. I have the urge to correct it. Bisa dijadikan sumber mata pencaharian duit kayaknya.

10.  Gw adalah pencetus teori pantat + ketek + terong. Moga-moga di masa depan ada jurusan spesialis pakerong (pantat ketek terong).

11.  Selera gue elit tapi duit gw hina. That is why I end up ngutang ke mbingg/glori/kerans/korban lainnya. Hiks. #koin500untukCindy

12.  Kayaknya gw rada introvert. Because I didn’t like the idea of meeting new people. It tires me. But I truly cherish the friends I’ve got. #eak

Bonus deh: v

13.  Gw itu adalah yang paling cempreng dari yang tercempreng. Kayaknya bisa nyampe oktaf ke 10. Ini juga adalah salah 1 alesan kenapa gue epic.

14.  I love using the cardigan + earrings. Kyaah~

It’s Us VS The World

It’s always been us VS the world. One moment they are close to you, the other moment they’re gone. One moment the world’s magnetism drives you to your game, the other moment it lets you go. But then it’s always been you – all in your good times and your bad. Oh wait no, I haven’t seen you poop while picking your nose yet. Just kidding tho.

But it’s been that guy all along and I hope it will always be him. That rigid skinny guy I’ve fallen for since day one – knowing that there is a spark no one could ever put down. Nope, there’s no special friendships or feelings other than the small moments we’ve shared together since that day on. But honestly, those “small moments” are the most mesmerizing moments of my life shared with him.                     

I never understood what made him so special; but I’ve always had this feeling that he is different; the gecko best-friend kind for an INFJ like me. Even though awkward at times, I came to realize that our silence hours are just those heartfelt moments that I am feeling really protected. He’s a good boy – not yet a grown man.

Those details I loved so much were 3 enhancing moments of us that the world didn’t understand: the moments only you and I hold.

Remember the day we had the group conversation with the Singaporean school principal? Yep, you were there. You knew exactly which university I aim for; in fact, we both know our specific ways. The principal then said that after he met me for a consultation he will see you for medication. It was year 10, the second semester if I wasn’t mistaken.

The second one was when we had the charity event and we were defending the same team: class 10a. Yep, you were the second (sorry dude, but you were) most helpful person I found that night. The guy with such commitment to not give up until the finishing touch. I soon realize you can act so differently with or without your parent’s presence near you. But still, those spaghetti rocks, right?

The last but not the least moment is the one I loved best: it was earlier today when you hold the door for me to go into the teacher’s room. Yes, the smallest detail of your action is the best thing I would consider helpful (even though I love the big one too). That shows me how much you’ve improved since the last time. Wait, when was the last time? I couldn’t even remember.

I don’t know if someday I’m going to date this man or some nigga of other country’s own, but I sure do know that I’d love to have a good friend like him to stick around and share some happiness together. I’ve seen too much progression and beauty since we sat in the same class that fine Monday morning in July 2009.

It is us versus the world because at some point you won’t sleep like the world; and at some other point you’re going to fall in love with the person you never thought of falling to; and at some other point you’re just gonna be real good friends without even trying. Even if the world didn’t want us to be, somehow things will find it’s way of order and make me, again, fall for your personality instead of your look – no matter what they say about you and the life that you choose to live.

And please do remind him that once she’s got her hands on the line, nothing’s gonna stop her from doing it. It will be as impossible as asking her to stop loving him. -red

THE REAL MAN THOUGHT

So I happen to make this thing last month when I first started my open journal. I was thinking about what a mature man would question about making his own family, love life, etc. I don’t know if these questions are true that older aged guys will think this way, but I hope it makes us girls (who read my blog) will think further about the man they love and you boys (who also happen to stop by and read) think these stuffs for the future.

Noted on March 24^th, 2014

Do I look good enough?

Did I do good?

What if I was never there for her?

Am I worthy of our love?

Do we have to sacrifice our relationship for something unimportant?

Did she care about me?

What would she say about me to her friends?

What if she doubted our relationship and quit trying?

How can I hold her in my arms so she will stay?

Will my love be satisfying enough for her in return?

Am I her knight in shining armor?

Will she be proud of my achievements?

Will I be able to buy her and us a home?

How would she handle our marriage?

Can I rely on her?

Can we find a way out of our problems and arguments?

What would she say to our kids?

The happy life we’re bound to live, are we to achieve that?

Can I be the man my kids look up to?

What about my mom and dad?

Can I be faithful to one woman only in my life?

Can I love her as I love my mother?

Will my parents accept her as “us”?

Can I respect her as how I want people to respect me?

Did she judge me by my past?

Can she stand alone without me?

What are her dreams of a perfect life?

Will she accept me for who I am?

Will I actually meet the perfect mate that God give me? Or will I be stuck with the wrong woman I grew madly in love the first time we met?

How do I know it’s her?

How do I know she’s the one?

Will God’s blessing be upon us?

Will she also put God #1 in her life?

Can I be a priest for our family?

And if someday we got married, are we able to keep our virginities and first kiss for each other?

Will we still have the spark when we grow old?

What would I do without her?

Will I cry over her death?

If yes is the answer to all of those, you can definitely be sure to make her your wife and let her take care of your life. –red

“Marriage isn’t about how long your party stays, but how long you can keep your party everyday” -@evelyngwyneth

Goodbye

I hate goodbyes. No matter how hard I tried not to hate it, I still hate it in the end. To the way some of my friend sees it, this is just a “see you later” process everyone gets to deal with. I agree about “the process everyone gets to deal with” bla bla bla but to my opinion, personally, going back to another old routine without someone’s presence or something that we’ve had for more than hours of our lives can’t just be considered as another “see you later”. It is more of a devastating loss than comeback. The fact is that these goodbyes are harder than just a see you later.

What if this “see you later” turns out to be like my relationship with the guy I used to be really close with 6 months ago? What if see you later is just an anastesy so that the pain won’t feel so bad in the first place? What if we never actually see each other again after the first “see you later”?

Sometimes, I do wish I never had to meet that routine/someone in the first place so that I won’t need any further goodbyes.

On the contrary, goodbyes can also mean coming home to what you’ve known your whole life; your family, your friends, your environment, your pillows, your comfort zone. It feels good to those experiencing it. Seeing again the same old sky you’ve seen for ages? Meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend you’ve left? Who doesn’t feel good about that? Yeah, I know, goodbye can be really annoying to some.

Back at Thailand, I don’t feel so home even though I’ve been there before and I love the temperature and other things. I think I might be adapting really fast in the land of the elephant, but Thailand just doesn’t feel home: the people weren’t as exciting. They‘re just not warm enough.

To some people who grew up in a democratic country as what Indonesia is, trying to live in a kingdom country isn’t an easy start. If you tweeted one wrong sentence about your king, you’re screwed. I love the goodbye I offered to Thailand even though I’m pretty sure I’ll come back for Thailand for something someday. But oh did I tell you the goodbye I say to Indonesia? It wasn’t even that easy walking down the airport to the plane even though I know I’ll be back in several days. This “see you later” seems more like a goodbye to me.

Finally, I guess I’ll have to force my brain to understand that ‘goodbye’ and ‘see you later’ are two different things I cannot distinguish the difference. But if goodbye ends up tearing people’s heart apart, why do we keep saying goodbye? –red

“Why are we saying goodbye to the person we love? How does saying goodbye to them suppose to make us feel happy? Shouldn’t happiness means to get to stay with them and be happy together?”

COMMANDER COBRA

I rarely had really close guy-friends to be honest. Even though I really trust some of them, this “trust” I wouldn’t consider as that “I’ll-tell-you-the-things-that-had-been-happening-in-my-life-including-my-secrets” trust but rather the "how-would-you-react-on-this-situation" trust. Honestly from all the boys in my senior school I’d tell you that I know everyone but only 4 boys I would consider trust-worthy and I feel can give me considerable thoughts if I had to ask one from them. Sadly, this story isn’t going to be about one of them because I think I have just found another guy-friend to whom I can share stories even though we’re continents apart.

“Hey Gloria, which one would you prefer”, he would ask. Most times, I will find him jumping off here and there, making up his hair, or mocking people. Yet still so many people have asked me whether he had ever been serious for just even one second in his life. My answer is yea, he’s been VERY serious in his life except for the moment he’s called me shorty. Dang.

His name is Cobra, a 15 years old boy with a pair of glasses, black hair, t-shirt, short pants, and shoes as his everyday attribute. There’s nothing much you would consider as interesting out of this boy until you saw it for the first time. Yes, that “it” everyone else would’ve consider as an unimportant detail of someone. But in the way I see it, this is a very rare feature young adults have – especially in boys who will always be immature when they are in contact with their friends. Only few people are able to see this special feature as there is one out of the 4 guy-friends I found doing the same kind of thing; and that’s exactly what I saw as a potential.

Let me say it to you this way: he'll most likely be serious around you, even though it also means annoying you in some sort of things he'd known would annoy you; he’ll help you if you need help – even if this “help” is just simply helping you to do something small; he’ll be there when you want him to accompany you for a little adventure; he’ll support you when you’re cracking a joke on someone; he’ll hug you when you ask for them; he’ll be standing next to you even if it only means to shut up and listen to the wind howling; and he’ll protect you as if you’re his own little brother (except if you’re too annoying).

I don’t know if he’s raised this way in his family, but it surely is a good thing you would’ve want to extract out of a man you’d marry one day. His girl is dang lucky to have him I’d say.

We first met each other about 6 months ago when I had my trip to Melbourne, Australia. One of my friends got to stay in his house and I would say I was really impressed with his family. I loved his dad a lot because he’s really warm to us when we had what I call as ‘the last supper’ and his mom is a really calm woman I would admire. They have a really nice family with 3 boys and such love. If you were I that night (on the supper), I believe you would be feeling the same feeling with me: I was really jealous. I’ll type the word again in caps so you would remember: I was really JEALOUS. I’m thinking, ‘what a nice life they’re living. I should live that kind of marriage someday’. I don’t even tell Cobra what I thought that night. I wonder from whom did Cobra get his good genes tho.

I guess what Mr. Lucas’ statement about why girls really like it when boys ask them for advices or asking them for help when they’re feeling a bit unwell is simply true. If you think about it rationally it would definitely be it.
I started thinking when does this "I trust him" thing starts, but I guess life is just doing its thing when it comes to certain friendships that are meant to last. The only thing that made me wonder about these type of boys were if these good things you love about them will stay as time pass by and ‘growing-up’ takes place. Will I still see the same Cobra I’ve seen today? Will these things I love about him fade as he grows older? I can only hope he wouldn’t. -red

“Why do you think girls like boys who ask them advices on which clothes to buy, how should girls react on circumstances, or how boys offend them in specific situations? EXACTLY, girls loved to feel that they’re needed” –Mr. Lucas