Writers, Writers, Writers

Tomorrow is another new start to another chapter of life. Iya, bulan baru akan segera dimulai lagi. Sosial media bakalan mulai rame sama komentar-komentar “September, please be good” ga penting lagi. Sekolah bakal balik ke jadwal biasa lagi. Dan betul, UN akan menjadi jauh lebih dekat daripada sebelumnya. Gila, waktu ngga ngakal banget jalannya.

Ga berasa dari gue kecil gue udah berhasil baca sekian banyak buku dalam hidup gue. Walaupun iya sih, gue ngga pernah suka komik ato romance books. Neither harry potter nor sherlock satisfies. Buku yang gue baca dari dulu suka aneh-aneh – 5 sekawan aja ngga pernah gue baca. The series of book I own at home ranges from animal books (tentang hamster sama kelinci doang itu juga), geronimoid and magic tree houses, sampe buku-buku nasionalis macem nasional.is.me sampe dewa ruci. I’m lame, I know.

Tapi gue rasa akhir-akhirnya taste gue sama buku ngga ada peningkatan terlalu jauh sejak gue SD dulu kecuali sekarang gue mulai baca sci-fi sama non-fics such as The Fault In Our Stars atau Oliver Twist which had me thinking: whom did I cherish most in the writing world? There must be at least 1 writer whose writing had inspire me throughout my reading life. Dan gue membagi penulis-penulis ini kedalam 2 kategori: penulis dalam negri dan penulis luar negri.

a.      Dalam Negri.

-          Andrea Hirata. Dari semua tulisannya yang gue agung-agungkan sebagai karya sastra terbaik bangsa, gue belom sempet baca 11 Patriot miliknya dan Laskar Pelangi gara-gara gue udah nonton filmnya. Males lah.

-          Pandji Pragiwaksono. Semua bukunya gue lahap dengan jumawa karena gue salut sama orang yang cinta bangsa banget dan lebih banyak action lewat semua kerjaan rangkap dia instead of cuman cuap-cuap nyusahin.

-          Donny Dhirgantoro. Dari 2 buku dia sejauh ini, 5cm is my highlight karna buku itu sejujurnya adalah buku Indonesia pertama yang gue abisin dengan sepenuh niat karena menarik buat gue baik secara imajinasi maupun fakta.

b.      Luar Negri.

-          C. S Lewis. Iya, gue juga mengagungkan karya dia karena his sets of Narnia dan cuman itu doang. Gue cinta mati sama buku Narnia. Gue ngga pernah baca buku dia yang lain; but I believe that it had been this same brilliant.

-          John Green. Anjrit. This person is da bomb. Walopun baru sempet baca 2 dari total 5 karyanya yang bakal pernah gue baca, gue sangat-sangat mencintai otak John Green. Jenius banget. Gue suka karya-karyanya yang bisa menghidupi karater cowok, cewek, dan begitu banyak material lainnya yang menjadi satu dalam cerita-ceritanya. Asoy abis.

Kalian mungkin nanya kenapa penulis kece macem Raditya Dika ngga masuk list gue.

1.      Walopun gaya nulis gue banyak ngadaptasi dari dia, he is not like my included inspirers in writing. Tulisan dia slengean; menurut gue sebenernya isinya kurang berbobot.

2.      Buku dia ngga masuk anywhere near literature or sci-fi. Jadi engga masuk. Gitu.

Terus kalo gue bisa ketemu langsung 1 orang dari 5 yang sangat gue kagumi, siapa yang paling pengen gue temuin gue bakalan jawab C.S Lewis. Walopun gue takut menemukan penulis idola gue semacem dia adalah orang yang “aneh” in some ways, tapi gue rasa gue paling pengen ketemu dia karna dia doang yang udah mati in my-straight-17-years-of-life dimana penulis-penulis lainnya masih cukup muda untuk gue temui suatu hari dimasa depan nanti.

And that’s all I could say today and I want to especially that August for being good already and inspires me with a good fiction to sleep with tonight. Looking For Alaska is my recommended book of the week. Ciao Bella! –red

Bucket-List

To/About that Fucking Bucket-List everyone has.

Clearly I am pissed about the temptation my inner-most self ignites about making my own goddamned bucket-list shit. I hate bucket-lists with all my heart simply because if I ever did make one, I’ll start it too late as in the late 17th year of my life.

And of course duh, I have a shitty personality which didn’t make me as enthusiastic to achieve a hundred shits while outlasting death itself. But then again, I would give you 4 reasons of why I am still not going to make a bucket-list of my own (please disregard 2 reasons I’ve mentioned earlier):

1.      I don’t have a fucking bucket-list because I don’t know when I’ll die or how much longer I’ll live. I have no insurance that I’ll be able to finish all of the things I wrote in my bucket-list unless that is what they are trying to make me do with these stupid bucket-list thing.

2.      I have no fucking idea of what I want to achieve (or at least wanted to write on my bucket-list except for the goddamed title) in my life unless sky diving becomes too real for me.

3.      I cannot ever be satisfied with such lists I can’t fulfill in a fucking year. I’ll sure be overwhelmed.

4.      I don’t want to fuck my future boyfriend to help me achieve such shits he wouldn’t want to do anyway unless he found it interesting to have a girl with a long list of never achieved shits.

And who might have given me such bucket-listing ideas itself you may ask? For no reason I force myself to think about it so yes, I am going to give credits to myself for this once.

You might have also wondered why I was up with so much bad words right now and I’ll also tell you why: John Green’s book I have just read consists of so much bad words I decide I include in my post once in a while. So yeah, there this one went.

But seriously though: what the hell is up with bucket-lists?

I FUCKING DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T FUCKING CARE.

I have no intriguing shits to it and rather have myself nosing on who is my cause of hope where, in which, I had putted my mind up to that one guy we’ve been so much talking about in these past 2 years and 3 months of high school. Besides the thoughts of my parents of whom had grown me faithfully into this overgrown sperm, I think I owe the life to those who cared about me most.

Yes, I might have slightly hate bucket-listing. But if there is 1 thing I would do, that would be making those people who matters in my life as proud as shit for having me a part of their life. That’s all that matters. –red

Strong & Brave

Don’t you ever know that it was your name I shout into oblivion everytime I felt so alone? Don’t you realize that it’s your name I scream everytime I was in pain?

No, of course you don’t. But everytime I remembered your name, I felt the need to be strong. I know deep inside that I do not need you to recognize to know that I am worth the while; that at least I’ve got time to proof me my existence.

All I need is for you to know that whenever I thought of you, I felt the need to be strong for whatever reason may hold me so that one day when we are to meet each other, you’ll say it in your mind about how brave she is; about how much love you’ve gather her because of what life she had sacrificed for you. Strong and stronger; because you know your journey that will need her to understand those moments you’ll spend away from her. Brave and braver; those lives that has been trusted the care under your wings.

Yes, I may have shouted into the void. But duh bae, who says that we couldn’t be forever?

If I could always stay in love with someone, it would’ve been you. And they say that we only die once; I wanna die with you. –red

Dear Cindy.

As I’ve promised you on instagram, here’s a happy birthday love letter sort-of-ish I made especially for you. Kali ini gue yang bakal bacot-bacot tentang lu dan lu ngga harus melakukannya balik. Jadi, here we go.

To the teman sesama otak cina dan yang udah 2 taun didunia hutan kota yang bikin gila (baca: kelas IPS angkatan kita) bareng gue. HAPPY SWEET 17th, DEE (gue udah ke-inggris-inggris-an kan manggil elunya?). No words could ever describe our friendship and I am truly grateful of your dayum existance in this kampretos universe. I would like to say thanks to your Mother yang udah repot-repot ngelahirin lu 17 tahun yang lalu disebuah rumah sakit. Eh, apa rumah bersalin? Ah bodohlah. Buat bapak lo juga yang udah repot-repot ceramahin si mbing kalo dia tiba-tiba ngejemput lu ke panti asuhan. Juga buat kucing nci lu yang sama sekali ngga bersahabat sama gue. Iya, dia juga.

Before lu ngutuk gue dengan makian lu yang biasa (baca: sialan, kampret dan saudara-saudaranya), gue mau minta maaf ke lu (kayak pembantu baru). Iyak. Gue minta maaf karna gue sering bawel dan ngganggu lu pas lagi baca bukunya si Sam ato pas lagi tidur ato pas lagi belajar music pieces lo buat ujian teori. Gue minta maaf kalo kata-kata ejekan gue ada yang pernah masuk ke ati lo – gue harap gue dimaafin walopun lebarannya udah lewat sejak sebulan yang lalu. Gue minta maaf suka mintain makanan lo, as in your pocky ato yang lain-lainnya ketika gue tau elu biasanya lebih laper daripada gue. Gue minta maaf karna gue... lebih malu-maluin daripada lo sendiri dan seringkali seolah ngga peduli sama lu padahal sebenernya gue peduli banget. Kadang emang sensory system gue aja yang suka telat gerak. Ya gitu deh.

Okay. Setelah lu maafin gue... (semoga), mari gue lanjutkan dengan cerita gue mengenai ELU dari kacamata gue.

Namanya Cindy Kristiawati. Entah gimana ceritanya gue sama dia bisa deket; which, initially was obviously karna Keran duluan yang memperkenalkan gue kepada ide-ide super gobloknya Cindy yang bisa sekonyong-konyong ditularkan kepada gue yang dari tadinya cuman duduk manis disebelahnya jadi bisa nimpalin kayak monyet sekolah (which, monyet ngga ada yang sekolah). Gue sendiri ngga bakal pernah inget kalo dulu our earliest team-ups was when kita MOS kelas 7 dimana gue bikin lagu MOS sama ko Rustandi dan ci Bianca ditambah sekelompok sama si Nathan kumis dan Nicos iler juga. Ya, tim itu dulu culun banget emang. Kalo bisa sih gue ngga kepengen ngakuin aja. Tapi jangan ah, nanti Cindy ngambek #ApaHubungannyaCoba. Tapi bareng Cindy, gue udah eksplor banyak banget dunia gue yang sebelumnya selalu gue terima keadaan buruk atau baiknya dengan polos.

Sekarang, gue udah lebih berandal kak. Semua gara-gara Cindy.

Dari Cindy gue belajar kalo terong punya poni dan cuman terong Korea yang super eksis dari seluruh peradaban terong didunia kita yang ajaib ini. Dari Cindy gue belajar bahwa pantat tepos bisa di-beha-in, sama kayak gigi berantakan di-behel-in. Dari Cindy gue belajar kalo susu sapi itu ya buat sapi dan bukan buat manusia. Dari Cindy gue belajar bahwa gue dan dia (Cindy) memiliki banyak kesamaan – terutama dalam kesamaan cinta segi ketek kita (well itu cuman gue doang sih sebenernya). Dari Cindy gue belajar bisa malak makanannya (soalnya lu ngambek tapi pasti ngasi juga sih Dee). Dari Cindy gue belajar kalo cinta itu ngga perlu sempurna, tapi perlu untuk ngga nyerah dalam mencari “dia” yang tepat (itu dari cerita kucing lo yang ngeong cari jantan mulu tuh). Tapi yang paling berharga adalah gue belajar untuk menghargai kecocokan persahabatan yang gue miliki dengan dia dan segala otak kritisnya yang ngga akan pernah bisa gue samain (otak gue lemot sih soalnya).

Kalo ada beberapa hal yang bener-bener gue mau wish buat Cindy bakalan jadi 2 hal ini:

1.      Cepetan punya pacar begitu ntar lu masuk UPH biar bisa elu bisa supir zone-in dan ga perlu susah-susah cari tebengan lagi ato bayar jasa anter jemput nyokap. Asal ngga lupa PJ, gue rela kok. Gue beneran rela.

2.      Keep that sharp mind exercised, kid. Jujur aja gue ngiri sama otak lu yang walopun lemot di math adalah sebuah aset menjanjikan buat calon anak hukum yang ngakunya ngga bisa memperhalus gaya ngomongnya yang straight ke orang-orang.

Makasih lu udah setia nge-stalk-in blog gue ‘cuz it means a lot to me.

Yaudah, itu aja deh ya biar mata lu ga makin picek bacanya. Intinya met ultah ya Cindy. Moga sipitnya tetep bisa dilestarikan sampe monyet numbuh jenggot dipantat dan punya lebaran sendiri. Lu tau lah hidup gue gimana kalo tanpa lo: kayak mati lampu trus gue ngga punya korek buat nyalain lilinnya. Miris. BYE!

–red

After High School

As i was strolling off campus, I met like few people I knew.

Billy ketek

Ci Bianca

Kakak yang waktu itu di camp juga

Gerry

Ezra!

Dan walopun daritadi banyak banget anak perhotelan yang lewat, gue ngga ketemu ci Emma ato Kevin (lol, kevin anak hukum).

Dari admission gue berhasil ke bazaar mereka terus keluar kampus terus masuk lagi sankingan ansos dan pegel trus ke gedung F lantai 15 demi ngeliat homebasenya anak ilkom dan HI terus baru duduk-duduk jomblo ditaman depan FJ. Tau ga, rasanya miris banget loh sendirian gitu.

I can only imagine what their life are like now in college – those people strolling on and off campus. Dan emang bener kata kakak yang waktu itu bacot-bacot ke kita soal FISIP di camp: college was just so much fun! Peduli-peduli ga peduli gimana gitu. Hearing people’s short stories over their casualities: their community, their clothes, their long walks toward campus buildings; their phone; their groupies; their alone time. And cute boys; oh good gracious Lord, are just the best thing ever existing in campus.

Although 1 thing missing though: their kindness towards those yang sangat-sangat ngga gue harapin take place on people did happen at kuliah. Sad. It just seem detatching to realize that a campus life is just a whole different story; somewhat an enclosed world yang ngga peduli sama dunia luar.

Belom apa-apa I feel tired emotionally. I feel as if I could just stay home and cage myself to not embrace anything out of high school and college. But oh dear – life must go on, musn’t it? Kalo gue ngga mau UN pun gue masih harus gue jalanin dan deg-degan nunggu keterima kuliahan is still so liveable.

I guess what makes it so tiring is that I have to make my brain believe that I will not be able to make use of my 3 years time to its maximum. I won't be graduating with 2 degrees by the end of 3-3,5 years – a harsh fact lain before my eyes. But then again, oh well, right? College is still just another chapter of the bee story we have to live on. And true that though: I still have to wérk my way off international classes in order to graduate. Trust me: unless gue bisa menemukan jalan gue sendiri untuk belajar buat pertahanin GPA, gue ngga bakalan pernah lulus dengan minimal Summa Cum Laude. International classes aja udah mujizat loh.Tapi masih aja sih: cowok dengan tas kecil banget dan bahkan gabawa tas ke kampus dan anak perempuan dengan tas dan bukunya. Ngga berubah dari jaman ke jaman (kecuali special cases lah deng).

Terus something else menggelitik gue sementara gue duduk disini diantara daun-daun yang berguguran: dengan college sebesar ini gimana 2 orang dari jurusan yang berbeda bisa jadian ya? Rada lucu kalo gue ngebayangin dikenalin dari temen ke temen. Lol abis. Lagian orang mau keluar dari gedung homebase mau kegedung lain aja males setengah mampus loh sankingan jauh dan panasnya. Apalagi kalo jomblo. Perjalanan itu jadi terasa 2x lebih jauh daripada seharusnya.

Loud people, groupie people, jomblo people are all here. Tas kecil tas besar tas kempes tas penuh are all here too. Dan mereka; kalo ngga jalan sama temen-temen groupie ceweknya jalan berempat 2 cowok 2 cewek ato groupie 3 cowok ato sendirian ato sama pacarnya. Begitu banyak mahasiswa strolling. Lu ngga bakal punya cukup kertas ato tinta untuk menceritakan semuanya. It’s the year you ask about your true gender; your purpose of going to campus; which building you’re gonna land your feet on; what outfit you want people to notice you with.

As I’ve got the time to realize again about what I really want to achieve after high school, I guess I want it more than anything to finally end up here at UPH and take my chance to  build my future. Daritadi suara “DAFTAR YOUTH CAAMP!” still lingers in my hearing aids as it made me understand even more what Mr. Lucas said about college years is true – that I need to use it to its maximum supaya gue puas dan bisa fokus on building my family once I get my head into it.

You see; those faces that tell you a thousand stories can be the same stories they will share to you once you’ve dip your fingers into the liquid. You just gotta look longer and hear more in order to catch their songs. And this, this is the life you’ll get after high school.