Mind To Read?

This is for you who have lost your faith and started doubting how you would've longly exist in the world of people with the hard reality, which were realer than reality show.
There eventually comes this day that you thought wouldn't have to come but come anyways. Yup. Woken up until late night, and then thinking: "why aren't I good enough for someone until finally I'd have to broke them anyways?" Only one possible answer came up to my mind: "imperfections". Riiiigghhhtt, my mind is probably right.
Rigidly, pops another question: "what if I don't want to grow up? What if college wasn't as good as they promise? What if I want to be just where I am right now? Why should I ever leave that good God puts me in? Whyy?!?!". Another one sentence answer my brain gave me: "to let you get out of your comfort zone and grow up, kid!". Oh seriously, does my mind have to know everything about the "real life" man? Right, it knows everything. It have to.
Then what if, what if then my brain gets to know everything and I doubt the existence of God? What if I soon loose my commonsense of believing and finally ends up in having meaningless religious events? Why should my brain knows everything in the first place? I would rather be stupid enough to know that I have my trust in God for a hundred percent than some uncertain feelings like this.
Worried, I turned up the lights in my room and went to my study table. I wrote: "if then someday I found I do not have my hope and trust on God, maybe then I only need to ask myself whether am I good enough to give my life back to Him soon."
Some people helped me learn thoroughly, I realized. They became those who inspire me in the dark, then preferring to light up the lamp for me to write and give me all the faith I need; giving me the courage to listen and let me from their lives.
Regaining my faith wasn't as easy, I'll have to admit. They say it was; because they were there -- somewhat forgetting what it felt like to feel that way. But when you were there yourself, well yes it wouldn't be as easy as laying your flattened ass on the chair. It was a great pain in time, having to force yourself to believe in what you used to be, what you think you were in the oldened days. How things used to be, how they were so good.
One song helped me in this darkest hours of my life. "aftermath" by hillsong. It said, "lifted out of the ashes I am found in the aftermath". My soul shakened. I couldn't bear the shiver in my soul; begging me to believe me that God STILL CARES.
Sometimes, all we have to do is admit that at one point we have doubted everything that we used to think was certain. And even though the fact that the urban changes suck, we have to force ourselves and especially our brain to understand that life is no longer what we expect them to be, that life is now not as good as what you have make up your past to be. As what others have said to make me believe in millions of time: "God have prepared you with a better future!", I somewhat doubted that in just a second and then moving to the sentence of "yes, I do still be believe in that" today. I found what faith I used to grow in; in fact, God found me in the dark night when I was all alone --not knowing what to expect for tomorrow.
If now I had almost regain everything I needed to have, have you too found something in this after-christmas dawn? -red
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