Kehilangan

Gue kehilangan Mr. Lucas dari banyak hal semenjak hari itu gue bangga-bangga jadi murid didik dia di kelas 10a. Satu sisi gue bangga dia sekarang memiliki apa yang ngga dia miliki 2 tahun lalu: punya wewenang tertinggi itu sebagai kepala sekolah diruang lingkup kita – tapi gue ngerasa bahwa gue lebih kehilangan banyak daripada apa yang gue dapatkan dari Mr. Lucas yang seperti ini.

1.      Dulu Mr. Liby kayaknya ngga sesusah ini dicari. Mr Lucas sangat sulit dicari; tukang kocar-kacir kemana-mana. Walaupun ngajar 4-6 kelas per minggu, kenapa kayaknya Mr. Lucas tuh susah banget ditemuin dikantornya lagi ngobrol unyu sama Mrs. Christin atau Mrs. Yustin? Tiap kali kita ketemu di kantor pasti dia lagi either kerja on his comp desk atau ngilang. Selalu cuman 2 opsi itu aja

2.      He hasn’t got us as much time for us than before. Sanking sibuknya. Apa emang semua kepala sekolah yang kehilangan sense of childrenitynya begitu, ya? Gue ngerasa kehilangan karena since gue dari awalnye seneng connect sama guru yang udah gue anggap sebagai mentor gue sendiri such as Mr. Lucas, gue ngerasa sedikit banyak kehilangan suatu grip yang menjadi pegangan gue selama 5 taon terakhir. Gue kehilangan sosok yang selalu bikin gue nyaman ketika ngobrolin soal cita-cita gue, guru gue, pelajaran... Kalo dapet waktu ngobrol bareng dia-pun, gue sadar gue ngga pernah obrolin lebih dari sekedar rutinitas tugas OSIS yang disodorin ke kita. Kemaren aja pas gue tes lisan dia pake acara angkat telfon orang dulu. Gue sih ngga personally anggep gimana, tapi gue ngerasa perubahan yang dijalani Mr. Lucas terlalu cepat dan terlalu compact daripada apa yang seharusnya 2 tahun lakukan kepadanya. Jujur, gue sedih banget.

Gue sadar juga sih (dari perspektif murid tentunya) kalo dia butuh tantangan baru as in the “jabatan baru” thing and I’ve honestly dukung penuh and enjoyed his ‘rule’.

But someday people are going to get tired of his rule.

He himself is going to get tired of his regular roles.

Trus abis semuanya capek, what will be the future for him? Balik jadi guru biasa? Penundukkan diri yang berat.

Elevation is indeed a pleasant way up; but the process to slope down again and back to your reality for one more time? Twas twice harder done than said.

The worst past is as a student in their senior year now is actually going to have to learn to let go of high school and all that matters during those days: The feelings. The friends. The teachers. The buildings. The mentors.

Nobody told me it was easy to let go; of everything; and especially to also the one whom you’ve been hoping to let yourself gain some respect to vapor in you.

For once in my life I felt that I’ve lost. I’ve lost the man I thought was there for me completely. Somehow, I’ve fallen in the wrong trap of life.

But then again I wondered how his life had been for him if this moments were never there. What if I chose the path to not take a chance and make the difference I’m bound to make. And no, it wouldn’t be fair to think it that way because no matter how far I’ve lost, I’m still the victor of his attention. I still love my mentor as much as he could ever remember. –red