Who am I kidding?

I don’t miss you I don’t miss you I don’t miss you I don’t miss you.

Boy, who am I kidding? I do miss you.

...

I was sitting in the dark side of a coffee shop when you arrived, when the song you once sang suddenly made put to repeat in my head, accompanying my thumping heart. You ordered the only thing you have always ordered if you come to this coffee shop; sitting on the same spot you knew anyone wouldn’t take so much notice but would overlook the whole coffee shop so that you can observe what happens to everyone; unlike me.

Of course I realized it was you. Need I say more?

It’s been quite a few years since we sat together in that math course; a high school story of the forgotten world. That day, you wore your Cookie Monster hoodie. Even though separated by tables, I could feel your intensity when you answered a question I asked to the math teacher. I wasn’t expecting you to answer, of course. But I bet it was in your veins to actually acknowledge my question.

The voice in my head keeps insisting that I don’t miss you; that I don’t want you eversince. It would be illogical to miss someone you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep – the least to have. But I keep missing you anyway as the heart refuses to stop beating.

I have always remembered the pride you brought everytime you walked in, anywhere you go – and if it wasn’t obvious, then it wasn’t something you could hide.

The whole world goes silent when finally our eyes met as you took your order and went waddling back to your seat, almost unnoticing my there being. I asked myself again, really, who am I to want to get to know you better? Whoever I am, though, I do have a right to wish that somehow, the guy I once liked is still the same guy who would pursue for the girl he likes – as a story once was told to me.

I waited for a few minutes with my eyes kept trained on my book, hoping that it wouldn’t be so obvious that I wasn’t actually reading it wholeheartedly. It took you those few minutes too, as it turns out, to move to a table next to mine, which is empty.

I feel my heart migrating to the tip of my fingers, threatening me that it would explode if I do anything stupid. Come on, was I supposed to even know what to do if someone you liked come as close to you as this? This wasn’t even written in the manual!

But you did good enough to make my heartbeats migrate to other parts of my body but my fingers. After what felt like forever, you finally took the first move on making a conversation with me – in which turns out to be just right for a level of “friends”. I wondered if it would grow better as time goes.

...

Apparently, I’m not the one to tell people that we, as human beings, tend to not get what we wanted but as the one saying to you today that anything your heart desires will come to you.

But who am I kidding? I still like you, after all these times. –red