Curhat Galau Gue

Every sound is buzzing through my head. It screams: “I want to do this! I want to do that! I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING!” But ‘everything’ is just so impossible. The time of each activities overlap each other. Every path leads to a different kind of life. Every choice determines my future. The bars are set high on each path I will take. It will need different sets of skill and different levels of dedication. There are too many things to be done within a space called “time”.

I know the truth that “everything is impossible”. But the pain is  just too excruciating to pick “just one”. It’s impossible to think that I will only be able to pick just one when I want to do everything while I’m young.

Well, the thing I’m trying to say is that it’s hard to set priorities when you don’t know what to expect, really – when you just expect nothing out of everything; when you expect to have something big from every opportunity. And it is even harder when you don’t know which one you will want for your future; there is just too much to take and too much to give!

In this time when opportunities are given to me I am really grateful that a lot of activities are easily crossed out from my “I want to do this” list. I know that I don’t want to do most of the arts; I know that I can’t want to do most of the sports. But there are also some things I didn’t initially think to do but I am now thinking of doing simply because the same amount of skills I will acquire are really appealing to me. I want to do those things under the influence of a friend as far as I see it as “positive”.

God; I just don’t know which one of these activities I have in my option list I should set as my “top priority” and “secondary”. I don’t even know if I will have the commitment needed for them!

Anyways, I am currently in the middle of my university orientation days when I write this – and to tell you the truth, the weight of having to choose things within a period of time puts a huge pressure on me. It’s been in my head for hours; and it hurts to pick just one.

I don’t know how to pick because I haven’t even started the path of this new life.

I don’t know how to choose because I don’t have any idea of how anything works, how huge of a commitment I’ll need, how much energy I will need to conserve for those events.

I don’t know because once I set a foot in, I will never be able to detract – they will ask the best of what I am.

But then again, after all the pondering I’ve done, I have 3 things to consider:

1.    What God wants me to do. What makes Him proud seeing me do.

2.    What my heart told me I should do. I trust my intuitive for reasons I can’t explain.

3.    How big of a commitment I think I will actually give if I do something my heart told me to not exactly do in the first place. Because then I will have to suffer “not wanting to wake up doing this job every morning”.

So, yeah.

I guess I will have to let time (and a little bit of intuitive) to tell me what I will do in the near future! –red