I Still...

I finally realized my calling.

Bukan panggilan yang as in panggilan hidup yang biasanya orang kaitkan dengan pekerjaan masa depan, sih. “Calling” gue kali ini adalah panggilan dalam konteks jawaban doa gue dari Tuhan tentang apa yang gue bisa lakukan  balik buat sebuah kehidupan dimana tanah dan airnya sudah mengihidupi gue selama 17 tahun ini. And this is it. This is my calling.

Gue bakal dipake Tuhan buat prophecy and prayers for people.

Kekuatan gue teletak pada nama YESUS dan courageous (ya, walopun tadi gagal juga sih disuruh Tuhan doain orang yang berdiri disebelah kiri gue. Astagah).

Sejujurnya seminggu terakhir ini gue ngerasa devastated banget karna life itself had tasted like death and death seems too slow to come and grab me down. Betul, ngga ada orang yang tau. Gue juga ngga kesampean mulu nulis tentang hal ini sampe hari ini.

But after the Word and the Spirit came this evening, it felt peaceful; as if I was just again another baby born out of a mother’s womb (even though I never recall the feeling of entering the cold world really). I felt cleansed. I did not worry about time (ya abis kalo gue worry sama waktu mah sekalian gue ngga usah dateng aja kali. Masa sama Tuhan itung-itungan. Apalagi Vanness Wu. MUAHAHAHAHA. No lah just kidding gila. Bisa digampar bolak-balik gue besok gitu tau gue lece-lece). Gue kepengen pulang; dan kepengen pulang for the good reasons.

I still need to write.

I still need to fulfill myself’s promise of 120 posts by the end of December.

I still need to pray and prophecy for people.

I still need to learn the way to be courageous tapi ngga yang malu-maluin.

I still need to do pelayanan at Ps Philip’s church.

I still freaking want to read John Green’s book.

I don’t want to die right now because I still need to find someone to grow old with besides my #1 love for God. –red