The Cinta Lama Belom Kelar Thing

Bukan, sebenernya ini bukan tentang cinta yang belom kelar. It’s more of the crush lama belom kelar type of thing – about the moment you thought that this feeling for this one particular guy is long over finished but then it surprisingly come again to you with the same excitement all over again. About the person who once made you lose every breath – that he’s taking your breaths again.

Yes, he was and is still my friend. We call him as ass-guy of my grade for now. No, no. Not because he has lost one or both of his asses, but because his ass was so dead attractive eversince he gained some weight. Not to mention other physical appearances that would help you to easily notify this guy, I would just say that one little incident ignites that feeling all over again. And honestly, he didn’t kinda actually made it so hard to fall for. He wasn’t kinda like my mental guyfriend whose presence and absence felt so close and recognize-able. He didn’t talk to me much lately unless for those moments we share when we had independence day celebration about a month ago. But then, it was a whole different story of how I grab his image once I am in this state now.

Even though then, this guy had always been sweet to me. Attentive; caring; leader-typed; attractive; multi-talented; understanding. He is nothing but mostly about being the perfect boyfriend I could imagine of. Dan perlu sekali lagi gue katakan bahwa semuanya itu gara-gara obrolan doang. Kayaknya rasa suka itu emang masih ada; tapi kependem aja selama sekian belas bulan sampe sekarang baru ada lagi embel-embelnya. Capek tau ga suka sama orang yang ga suka lu balik. Macem lu punya cuman satu sirip tapi berharap lu bisa berenang seimbang seperti ketika lu punya 2 sirip (wets hacep. Wth is hacep). Udah ah. Gue ngga berharap jadi pacar dia juga.

Waktu kita ngobrol pas 17an itu tentang kepergiannya dan ketika gue ngobrolin apa gue lupa sama my other guy friend, gue ngerasa begitu dekat sama dia – ngerasain lagi hembusan kencang nafasnya dari dekat, menatap lagi matanya lekat-lekat mungkin untuk terakhir kalinya, mendengarkan kedewasaanya dalam membawa sebuah obrolan yang menambah ilmu pengetahuan. Waktu itu derap jantung gue normal (yah well kemaren juga sih), tapi gue ngerasa ada yang beda. Kenapa? Gue juga ngga tau. Yang jelas he ignites certain happy spray in my brain that other crushes could not do. Gue masih kesengsem sama dia. Sama senyum manisnya. Ternyata dia masih the same guy I once knew.

He may not be like Kobra, Fankhui, ato si Bebeb yang gue bisa ngobrol lepas tanpa boundaries ketika ketemu (well semua dengan batasnya masing-masing juga sih), tapi whenever I found him near me I could hear myself being so confient and brave. Betul, rasa suka gue ke dia boleh aja berbeda dari 2 tahun lalu, tapi gue masih mengenal perasaan yang datang ini. It seems very familiar. Gue ngga mungkin jadiin dia pacar karna gue masih mau ngaku jomblo tulen sampe kelas SMA. But as a best friend? OFKORS. Lowongan best friend masih terbuka lebar saudara-saudara. I know that I would have to understand that nobody’s that sincere best friend. But for one second of life I’ve got to want to have some guy like him to admire and to lock in to because when I’ve lost the grip on my mentor’s, his most likely descendant is the only thing left I have to believe.

Because before or after that, we did not talk for a long time. –red

“Now I’ve got you in my space I won’t let go of you. Got you shackled in my embrace. I’m latching on to you”