Lion

To, my one beloved, Lion.

Accepting the fact sucks.

Being away on full time from you fucks all the good facts today brings.

Having to finally realize that there’s no more sounds to hear from your breathnig makes me want to cry.

Having no more eyelashes to beat; having no more multitalented guy I’ve grown very fond of; no more of your athletic body appearance; no more anything left of you.

I’m sorry I sound so selfish. But what should I say when all that was left is sadness washing over your gone? No one could imagine how serious the pain is nor the devastation caused.

But oh boy; how should I describe this to you: this pain I felt?

As if it bled by the sword that was once stabbed unto my heart is finally forced to be taken, that’s how it felt. Does it not hurt to see someone bled in pain of the only sword you stabbed with?

No way, Lion. I cannot ever want you being gone in my life.

I’ll never move on.

Your smile has taken my breaths away.

...

Oh my God.

Why do I ever have to feel this kind of care in such hours?

Why does everyone in your room have to look as if they’ve moved on and as if you were never there?

Why?

Why do we have to say goodbye so soon?

Why do you have to leave us?

Why can’t you live up the rest of the 8 months here?

Why do you grow up so fast?!

...

And it has been 2 years, isn’t it? The only year we spent mutually in a class; the only year I’ve had to know you better. The only class, where you have proven me what worth you were made up of. And to say least, boy, you had done me proud even though my heart still ache of your ‘being away’ thing. 2 years since I first liked your first impression. 2 years since we won the last fight with 10A. 2 years since I knew what having a mentor meant to me as much as having someone to look up to feels like. You are one of them who made moving on so hard. And yes, you are also one of those younger people who have inspired me in your days here. I still loved you the way I did in 10A, but with the slight difference that I want to treat you as a bestfriend rather than just ‘kiddy crush’.

Honestly, I have had a bad time going over today’s final word of yours that you will have to go on Monday. I still won’t believe that you are going to be away. And that “going away” is no longer for “a day” away because you were sick or anything – but because you are going away for good. A day away in time and space – a whole way around the world. I don’t want to believe you for this time if I ever could. But how else I couldn’t?

I don’t want to believe that I was just an inch away from your smile just last Tuesday. That I was just steps away from your loud breaths, looks, and smile when we share our thoughts on that last class meeting together. That I was just moments away from you on independence day celebration. It was just. Months. Away. From just being another memory of yours.

Dear Lion, you would’t have guessed how much I wish you wouldn’t leave. How much I wished that you would realize how much I am into you. How much I don’t want me – the school and everyone else – to ever forget your belonging and your presence. I hate seeing you leave; but how can I prevent you from going now? I will miss you. I will miss your smile. I will miss your presence. I will miss your touch. I will miss your being wrapped up in such talents. I won’t believe that this day is ever coming. But if I have my dreams to pursue, then you have yours too. But Lion, I promise that I will never forget you no matter how much it hurts. I never will.

Now every love song I sing out is given unto you.

Now every pain felt is caused by the scar you left me.

And boy, how can I move on when I’m still in love with you...

Best regards, your tigress.

–red