There is just
too much to say when your heart is broken by something you never thought would
hurt you. This made me questioned my system: “was the high ever worth the pain?”
There is just
too much to remember; to remember that time when you realized that you too are
in fact as fragile as others. This made me almost believed that there is
nothing good in this world – because all it has plan for you was never anything
but broken heartedness.
There is just
too much pain when you are not heart broken by actions but merely by thoughts. And
then I wondered if it’s better to sleep forever rather than waking up with
pain.
...
I have had my
moments where I’d wish that I wouldn’t break my dear heart anymore. It is
already into pieces as what it is right now. But who am I to dictate what the
heart wants? It does what it wants at the time it desires. My heart desires
things my brain can’t even control.
I kept asking
myself these:
‘What is cold
that it numbs you;
What is fire
that it burns you;
And what is
love; that it has power to do just both?’
Can I ever
recover?
Will the heart
ever intend to not fall?
Will my heart
ever be tired of falling?
Will it
actually stop breaking itself?
Will it actually
stay humble enough to tell my brain “God’s got something better. Stop craving
for him”?
What if I am
too tired to understand that I stopped listening? What will happen then?
What if my
heart never intends to stop?
...
If I were to
speak honestly, I wouldn’t want any of this anymore.
In moments
like this, I easily wished my heart to leave so that I wouldn’t have to feel
anything anymore.
My heart is
severely damaged. It is broken. I want someone to be worthy of all these little
pieces my heart had come up with.
I hope someone
will come and tell me I’m alright; that these damages meant the whole world for
him to be able to pick them up piece by piece and replace them with new ones
he’s got.
But who am I
to hope, if my heart keeps doing what it wants to do? –red
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