Dear Me

Hello, 16 year old me. How’s it going?

16 years old was almost only 3 years ago, but why had I lost most of my memory about how you feel?

Damn.

Sorry for forgetting how it feels, me. I know you know I’ve been attentive for the longest time and you’ll be glad I didn’t remember most of you so that I wouldn’t want to change a thing even if I ever could. 16 was awesome.

I am here today merely on a mission to thank you, tell you how it feels to be you 3 years later, and give you advices. So get your ass ready to read, alright?

Thank you, me, for never giving up on life. I have to tell you that freshman will always be a tough year, but we are sure fire winners, ain’t we? We will survive. You have really awesome classmates, and you will find them at the end of the road with you – watching “the moon who embraces the sun” together. You’ll have to pretend to like it, though. Sorry.

Thank you for always trying to give your very best, even though I know “best” would never feel enough to any sacrifice people had done for the greater cause we’ve seen – you know this as well as I do today. Even though “best” is still just passing 70 on economics or maybe worse, I would still thank you. I’ve loved it how you always kept it positive in amid negatives, and I tell you that we do survive UN. So don’t worry too much – just keep trying.

Thank you for having that purely stupid boyfriend as well, 16 year old me. I wouldn’t have ended up realizing that searching for the right guy is always going to be nearly impossible if it wasn’t for the relationship I had with him. Those days (in case you haven’t been through it yourself), I gotta be honest, will be some of our most glorious days we’ve ever had. But I would’ve regret it more if him and us didn’t dump each other in the face and go the exact other way round.

Before I thank you the last thing, 16 year old me, I’ll tell you that I am currently writing this only weeks away from dealing with the life of college. You wouldn’t have imagined how Mr Lucas left a mark on us – on how I would have valued the world if it wasn’t for him. Thank him for me, will you? It was that “what I wanted to achieve in a year’s time” list that helped you to become who I am right now, pre-college wise. You made a decision so big that year in which I’m grateful you did. Because if not, I’d wonder if I would end up in this major I am in right now – realizing that this would be the thing the world wanted me to do. I am the writer – of some sort. Thank you for being a hundred percent cooperative with Mr. Lucas, was what I was going to say.

How it feels to be me today, though...

I don’t want to give you spoilers but, well, GRADUATING WAS AWESOME!

What they say about having those 4 months of freedom to yourself was great. The only “not great” thing about it is that I am realizing that I will be waking up to classes starting next week. Meh.

But honestly, I’m excited about it because fresh-starts, you know. I’ll be able to go and make new friends everyday and stuff like that – new adventures, as a conclusion.

The detrimental part to that was this feeling of not knowing of who I really am. I mean, I’m still Gloria – physically. But inside? I’m welling up shits like “am I really worthy of this world to notice them?”. I don’t know, these days just kinda suck. I can’t really describe how it felt like nor have I find a more long-lasting solution for you to deal with this situation years later,  but you’ll always have the internet to tell you who your INFJ-self is. The internet has been a great reliever for me nowadays.

Coming to the end of this letter, 16 year old me, I will only give you three advises: a) keep on going. No matter how bad or how disappointing the day is, keep going. B) keep trusting God and communicate with Him – He knows what you’re dealing with; the best knowing Person you will ever encounter. C) stay inspired. You’ll need it; like seriously.

Lastly, me, I couldn’t be more proud of what you’ve chosen along the way. Don’t feel guilty, bad choices are there. It wouldn’t make you me if it hadn’t been bad. But when you speak, choose among the truths. Think about it. –red

-written before campus life starts-