Crushed.

I, am

Tired of being accused for no good reason

Tired of being double faced

Tired of crying with the pain not leaving; with the red swollen eyes from all the crying

Tired of not achieving

Tired of failing to be nice to someone without being accustomed by what I really want

Tired of feeling not loved, or not even liked for even once

Tired of trying to please people which ended up gotten hated

Tired of trying not to be fake for one time but did not have a well feedback

Tired of being tired.

Tired of being not even true with myself

Tired of always judging myself personally

Tired of always trying to hide the fears and scars which had come to nothing but more pain exposure

Tired of always judged; told to do which is which

Tired of not being able to pick my own choices

Tired of never being heard

Tired of always failing to keep a good connection with the Creator of the universe

I’m just basically tired, you know.

For not being brave enough

Or loud enough

Or big enough

Or small enough

Or satisfied with myself enough

Can’t even seem to believe that I was created for a purpose – or a good reason, at least.

Not because I am perfect – but because I’m too insecure to admit that I had all this regrets and fears controlling my mind; that I did wrong; that I am scared of confrontations; that I am not able to speak my mind in front of those I did not like for any reason they are not actually made up of.

And yet, I dare myself to whisper loud enough for the world to hear that I am not as bold as you think I am.

For one time I did not want the world to hold me and judge me by what I did or what I have to do with my own life.

For just this one time I don’t want to hurt people so they don’t have to hurt me back.

I, for once, have to admit that I am falling down for no reason left to hold me standing.

And no, this time it didn’t felt as near to what it is called ‘good feeling’ when you admit a mistake or a crime. I am still so crushed by whatever’s hurting me inside. –red