This Is It

This is it.

The time has finally come.

This is the last camp in our high school ever.

And yes, this is the thing I hate about things that have started: It will soon end no matter how hard we tried to slow things down because honestly, time will never stop.

And no, we never did grow up.

At one point, I’m excited to end all this pressure I’ve felt in the last few weeks in advance of UN, but I’m not gonna lie that I’m also really not into the whole idea of ending it either. High school had been by far the greatest memory aside of the fact that I still lack things in so many ways.

Still, today I’m having a hard time battling myself. Fuck camp for making my brain so heavy-loaded with work that whatever I try to push myself doing today didn’t work.

So. Camp.

Us Indonesians knew that we are to face a national exams in junior high and senior high; 3 years of study before each stage. And to that, “the national exams” camp is to prepare us for the upcoming national exams. But learning from the previous camp years back, bringing books didn’t help as much because we were mere teenagers with such awesome procrastinating skills. And you can guess exactly what happened.

In those 3 days of camp, I suffice myself with nonstop 72 hours of 12IPS – the longest time I’ve spent around those people who had been my classmates ever since sophomore. Even though the overly introverted part of me tells that I’m too tired for more interactions, this camp was the best one so far in the last 3 years of life. I enjoyed this 3 days at most if I were to tell you the truth.

We had an hour of our teacher’s explanations, and then couple hours to put what we heard to test. It’s a process we undergo in 3 days with 6 tests. Besides that, we slept at dawn and had too much food stuffed into us during the day. What more can we ask for, though?

In these 3 days of camp was the time I also find my reignited love for this one old friend of mine since junior high. I mean, I always find myself naturally stealing a look for him in the everyday school life, but this is different. I can almost see him anytime I want in after tryouts. It’s somehow like I mentally took a personal charge to make sure he’s okay even though I can’t always ask him directly to show my obvious attentions. I note it in my head as “the last 72 whole hours to spend with him”. Over and over it goes as I realized the 2 reasons I did it for: 1) this is the last camp before the 3 months I’ll ever find myself stuck with the presence of him will end. For that reason, I don’t want to lose the last slightest sight of him and 2) he’s always been my mental boyfriend no matter what circumstances we went under. Nothing should’ve made me want to retreat.

But this is it.

The last few months of struggle will be finished.

Finally, high school will be out of the way.

To those people who had been our most supportive supports, thank you.

To our parents for the unending love and tortures to study, our deepest thanks are offered to you.

To our frienemies who has been working with us all these years, thank you to you too for helping us shape the best versions of us we have today. Without you, high school wouldn’t taste as sweet.

And to our teachers/mentors, the greatest thanks are for you. For the passion, the patience (esp if we’re specifically talking about the super talkative 12IPS), the support, and the love. We wouldn’t be able to give back what you have given unless we succeed in the future.

I wouldn’t want to say goodbye. But the closest I could get to not saying that, is to see you soon because this time is it – it wouldn’t turn. –red